Should I Be Committed??? – Updated

Unhappily divorced and unsatisfied at work, picture was taken in 2005 just before my Grand-Daughter Elaysha was born. I was miserable in every way.

According to Stats Canada two things
fall in the same category – or at least the same percentage these days, the
rates of divorce and job satisfaction, both of which sit at about 40%. Almost
half of the population is divorced and/or unhappy with their jobs. That is an
astounding number on both counts. I was 2 for 2 in that category.
Job satisfaction and marriage are both about commitment and
partnership: To some degree we have arrived at a place where the expectation is
no longer to partner but rather to excel and outshine. In both marriage and our
jobs we strive to be better, even perfect, but this expectation can come at a
hefty price.
Is there a perfect mate or a perfect job? We often have
unrealistic expectations of what we are destined to have. I have dreamt of both
– the fairy tale marriage and the perfect job, but – not surprisingly – when
neither of these materialized I felt stressed, depressed, disenchanted and
disconnected. In reference to the divorce, I can finally say it was a mistake
to have married in the first place and I share part of the blame. In the job I
also take responsibility for the level of happiness I enjoy.
So how do I renew my positive attitude towards marriage and work?
The answer is not to lower my expectations but rather to eliminate them. Having
expectations is a sure-fire way to be disappointed. I have to take it back to
the beginning and remember that I need to be committed, grateful and positive;
in essence, I need to be a better partner. My better half does not owe me
happiness and neither does my employer.
On the job, I have a responsibility to be on time, do my work and
be cooperative. My employer has a responsibility to pay me for my work. In a
marriage, I have the responsibility of cooperating and doing my share of the
household duties, my spouse has the same criteria.
Maybe if we didn’t expect the ultimate and didn’t try to base our
happiness on the job, the spouse or even the kids, our lives could be better
and balanced. After all, happiness is a phenomenon, fleeting and impossible to
live up to. “Happily ever after”, you will notice, always ends with
the prince and princess driving away in a horse-drawn carriage. You never see
what goes on between closed doors ten years after or even a year after their
enchanting encounter.
Today I don’t give up on the fairy tale; I just re-write it with a
bit more humility and a “can-do” attitude. I can be all that I can
be, but not at the cost of others’ or my own health.
Happily Single waiting for Prince Charming and loving my job, picture was taken in 2011 just a week ago.

Update: I wrote this post as part of a previous blog called Positive Thinking and thought I would re-post with an update of my life so here it is:  I am happy, love my job and I am still looking for the fairy tale.  I’ve lost weight and I feel younger, more vibrant, stronger and more determined than ever to make my mark.  I strive to do what I love and be there for those who need motivation and a true heart cheering them on.

One comment

  1. Congratulations on finding contentment in life! You are very right when you say "happiness" is fleeting. If you lower expectations – which, is not a bad thing to do (though many will argue this) – you will be content much easier. Contentment is our goal because it is sustainable. I am Jewish and in one of the our books that we learn as commentary to the Old Testament it says – Who is rich? Those that are happy with what they have.Enjoy being content!!


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