Wrath, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth and Lust- The seven deadly sins….I experience all of these in one sitting.
Here is the skinny on moods, not every mood swing is a mental illness, granted however I am a strong believer that some medication can be beneficial for those who require treatment. I just don’t believe that everyone is afflicted with a mental illness because of “un-normal” behavior which is formulated by who’s context…the normals?
After my divorce, humiliation and subsequent debt overload I suffered some kind of change and my tolerance level decreased. In short I became very short-fused about things and it made life for those around me a bit unbearable.
I must admit there was a time I thought I might suffer from something but I’m inclined to believe what I have is called “I just can’t handle any more crap” syndrome. It stems from stress, not taking care of myself, work issues, bad relationships, illness and/or a combination of a few of the things I just listed.
When this happens I tend to have uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger towards some folks most of time an ex-boyfriend hence they experience my wrath. I just want to slap him, honestly it sounds bad but when you keep all that anger in it has a way of reflecting in your mood. In my case I have some unfinished business with an ex and when I see him it just makes me want to punch, slap or kick something (no dog, child, relative, co-worker etc… has ever been harmed).
I then tend to get envious of those around me who seem to have no cares in the world and who I perceive go through life unscathed by the bitter winds of torment. I envy the lightness weight on their shoulders and body in comparison to the heavy burden I feel I am carrying at times and the weight gain I see on the scale. If I even look at a piece of cake I gain and yet they just seem to be the perfect size with no effort. Of course I know that is not reality. They probably work hard staying fit but when I am in this mood I don’t want to know you wear size two.
Pride just seems to make me into a Peacock fanning my gorgeous tail and wanting to be the center of attention – look at me I seem to scream at the top of my lungs feeling so minuscule and unappreciated. I strut my stuff with clothing so tight and sexy my body parts seem to be seeping out but it’s all about looking gorgeous and getting the compliments I’m craving right?
Oh and then of course the sabotage begins when I don’t get the attention and my first course of action is to eat my way back to happiness as gluttony consumes me and I consume everything I see. If I am gonna have a weight gain then I better make it a good one.
After I’ve gotten angry, envious, over-stuffed myself with food and thought I was the Queen of the yard, sloth beckons my name and all I want to do is veg and sleep and ignore all the chores that need to be done. I don’t answer the phone and I just want to retreat to oblivion, my body and mind are tired and whirling, tears fill my eyes, uncontrollable laughter and deep sighs.
Lust – if you go back to my last post this is an on-going sin: http://gailsforum.blogspot.ca/2012/04/slut-are-you-talking-about-me.html
Only one sin to go and that’s greed, I express this not through my desire for money, money, money but rather through my desire for a quick fix; let me be happy, thin and in a loving relationship now! and yes I want money too so I can take care of my other desires.
Once I’ve gone through all seven sins I once again climb back, motivate myself and find that bubbly character within myself that shines. Some might call this a mental illness but I call it cocooning: it’s the process of winding myself up tight and then hibernating only to emerge refreshed and determined to continue my path to betterment.
How do I know this to be true? Here is the outcome of sin – by attacking the vital principle within us – that is, charity – necessitates a new initiative of mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of reconciliation.
In other words by not being kind to myself and others, life kicks my ass so that I rekindle my passion for change once more. Well at least that’s how I choose to interpret it.