Amazing Grace

It is so difficult at times to keep myself in check especially when it comes to situations that involve men.  After a bitter divorce that ended on a sour “cheating bastard” note.  I have become very crude, demanding and a tad out of control when it comes to relationships.

I become a Jekyll & Hyde, loving one minute and spewing profanities the next all in an effort to express my hurt and lack of trust.  

The problem is that after ten years of not trusting, constantly sabotaging and losing my cool it takes a toll on something very near and dear to my heart…me.

I had an out of control moment a few weeks ago and I followed my usual pattern of over-reaction, “I’m gonna cut you down to size before you can hurt me” attitude but something happened.  For some reason I was very aware of my actions and decided that I wanted to change them.  I felt drained emotionally and physically and it made me realize how much I was corrupting my true self.

My partner contacted me and we worked things out but more importantly I figured out this was a great opportunity through this current relationship to heal so I did what Gail does best and researched ways to fix the problem.  

I found the answer and implemented it right away, it wasn’t easy I mean ten years of sabotage does not disappear over night.   

The answer is simple yet complexed it involves Feminine Grace – A Woman that exudes Feminine Grace is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs. 

A Woman that exudes Feminine Grace is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows Self love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value, but offers her love unconditionally without expectation.  A Woman that exudes Feminine Grace has a dash of inspiration and a touch of endurance. Her self confidence allows her to inspire others to reach their potential.  

She knows her past and understands that it can’t be changed. She lives in the present, and moves toward what the future holds.  She understands her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional love. She embraces the future and is thankful for the present.

Grace Kelly – The Queen of Feminine Grace

Some of you might read this and think…dear lord Gail’s fallen off the rocker this time but it is the opposite.  I needed to regain composure after all reacting constantly affects me more than it affects others.  

Alcoholics Anonymous use twelve steps to tackle Alcohol so I decided to use them to tackle Feminine Grace

The 12 Steps of Feminine Grace
  1. Admitted I was powerless over others and that my life had become a see-saw of despair, that I need to be confident of who I am and live in the present.
  2. Came to believe that I could restore my sanity by facing the problem head on and practicing self love and self confidence.
  3. Made the decision to turn to the Internet and find the answer for myself.
  4. Looked at my past and decided I didn’t want to keep repeating the same pattern of hurt, drama, self-loathing and stress.
  5. Admitted to myself, my partner and friends what I needed to do.
  6. Surrendered myself to this approach.
  7. Put into practice the techniques of self love and self confidence.
  8. Made a mental list of those affected by my behaviour and became willing to move on instead of fixing the past.
  9. Made amends to the one currently affected by my behaviour and decided to  work on myself through this relationship.
  10. Promised myself that when I deviate to get right back on the path I’ve mapped out.
  11. Through research and understanding I made a commitment to myself to follow through.
  12. Tell others

Now you may be wondering why I chose this path, well there comes a time when constantly repeating the same pattern is considered insanity as defined by Einstein.  

I have already seen the benefits of this behaviour modification.  Last night my partner and I had plans to go to the movies,  I got all ready to go and he called to cancel.  In the past I probably would have ended the relationship over this “How dare he cancel on me.”  

Instead here is what I did: I found out the reason he canceled, found out he was still planning to see me but was just not up for a movie.  He was close by and asked if I would join him.  I showed up looking gorgeous and confident.  We had a wonderful night, no arguments and I had no stress or anxiety.  I felt graceful except when I fell because I was wearing wedge shoes.  My hip is still a bit sore from that but I fell gracefully and he was there to help me up.