My Ladder is Broken


I overheard a conversation yesterday on an elevator. Two women approximately my age were discussing men; one woman said to the other “if a man my age doesn’t have baggage I worry there is something wrong with him”.

We all carry excess baggage and the suitcases just keep piling up filled with disappointments, broken hearts and anger. As a woman I’ve settled for men who make demands up front about what they expect out of a relationship and I’ve foolishly agreed only to realize the only thing they deliver is disappointment.

I remember watching the movie “Pretty Woman” and thinking how glorious is that! She’s a prostitute and he is pulling up in a limo with flowers and climbing a ladder even though he’s afraid of heights.

My ladder must be broken or I must be dealing with men who suffer from severe acrophobia since no one is climbing anything as of late. I am not getting flowers let alone someone willing to fix the ladder to my heart. I’m not a prostitute and surely I deserve to be loved but some of the guys I’ve dated make me feel like I am no more than a “booty call” and they don’t give me the impression they even know what a ladder is.

I guess I’ve allowed this to happen for a few reasons and I don’t blame them for treating me this way since I’ve projected myself in a negative light and with a lack of confidence. It’s easy for any man to think I would accept just about anything but the fact is the only thing I want to have pimped these days is my blog.

I’m tired of selling myself short and running away from a healthy relationship. As you know I’ve worked hard to fix what was broken but I need a handyman to finish the job.

I really love flowers and I’ve always wanted someone to show their interest in a grand gesture, being a hopeless romantic has its down side especially when you keep meeting men who can’t even be bothered with small talk or answering a text.

I’m tired of the “game”. I didn’t understand the term “player” but I do now because it’s obviously a game they play. I once felt I had to venture to the dark side but I want to rest on the side of the road for a while. I can’t be bothered with someone who is unavailable emotionally anymore.

Here are the rules of the game as I’ve come to know them: accept anything and don’t question anything. I for one feel quite certain that even at my age I can meet someone who is more interested in the prize than the game itself.

Yes I said it – I am a prize. It took me a long time to look past my weight, the wrinkles, and the flaws I see in the mirror every day. I thought these made me unlovable but with the help of amazing friends I have come to realize I’m perfect and unique just the way I am no better or worse than anyone else just exactly right. The men I’ve dated won’t climb a ladder; they won’t give me flowers because they are the wrong men; a complete waste of my energy and time.

I’ve decided to open my eyes and heart again. I’m not saying that I am desperately seeking a soul mate, I’m simply indicating that my current lifestyle choices i.e. dating losers, has come to a close.

Here is a wonderful quote from my co-worker Sarah “It’s like wanting caviar but choosing to eat out of a dumpster instead”. We choose mediocrity for fear of ending up alone but the undeniable choice of settling remains a soul-sucking experience. The truth is I’ve settled for far too long. Done are the days of dating men who offer a list of likes and dislikes on a first date.

My promise to myself is that until he finds me or I find him I will no longer be a dumpster digger, I’m holding out for the caviar. Wanted: a decent man willing to fix a broken ladder and climbing up to claim his prize.




2 comments

  1. Don't ever settle for second best. You decide what it is you want and don't be afraid to hold out for it, but be reasonable. As far as I'm concerned, what was you doing in an area where the dumpsters belong? Isn't that where folk dump rubbish? So, have a bath, spruce yourself up and hang out somewhere nice like a place where rubbish will not be welcomed. Your ladder was never broken, so it doesn't need fixing, it just takes a real man to climb it and when he does, you'll know it.

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