Dear John


I moved to Toronto at the age of twenty-four and six years later while working at Citytv  I decided to volunteer during the Christmas season at a local shelter.  I wanted to teach my twelve year old daughter to give back to others and this was a perfect opportunity, we were responsible for preparing and serving dinner.  Dressed up like elves, singing and spreading cheer, it was a heart-warming time.  It was at this event that I met a man named John with thick black hair, tall, thin and  a deep sexy Elvis voice, he peaked my interest.  We exchanged numbers and shortly after John and I started dating.  He was so affectionate and spent most of his time with my daughter and I, he seemed to fit right in to our little family. 

One evening as I freshened up before bed he asked me a question I felt was inappropriate, I didn’t answer him.  Seconds later a fist came through the washroom door and I jumped in fear.  I quickly unlocked the door and pushed past him and headed to the living room.   He apologized profusely but I was already dialing 911.  This of course made John more upset and he yanked his plugged in VCR out of my wall to wall entertainment centre which shifted and almost came tumbling down on top of me.

The police arrived and they convinced him to gather his belongings and they drove him home.  I called a friend to stay with me that night and the next morning they brought me to work.  John was waiting by the bus stop close to the building.  The security guys at my work walked me to the bus stop every night (awesome guys). He called and called my home, my work incessantly and each message went from kind and sweet to threatening.  

Months went by and I ignored his calls and finally they stopped.

My daughter was registered for a summer camp experience and left for a six week adventure.  Maybe it was loneliness that made me do it – I contacted John.

Things re-started well, it was just like when we first met, then one night as I got ready to head home he locked the door to his bedroom and blocked my path.  He was convinced I had someone else.  It took me over three hours to talk him into letting me leave.  As I sat on the bus I felt so alone and embarrassed to tell family and friends what was happening. I continued to see John and things escalated. 

Summer was well on it’s way and Caribana was just around the corner.  John decided he wanted to cash in on the event so he rented a Dickie Dee bike, I thought this was a great idea so I did the same.  We arrived at Caribana and went our separate ways.  I was in the thick of the crowd swaying and bouncing to the music when four revelers jumped on my bike.  When they got off John came towards me and became confrontational.

A police officer intervened and sent us in different directions, I took this opportunity to fight the crowd.  I returned the bike and headed home.

My body was burnt from the sun and my head was pounding, I collapse on my bed and slept.  The phone rang and rang but I ignored it.  I heard the door bell ringing and the loud knocking but I ignored it.

It all stopped and I thought he left and went home.  I turned my face towards the french doors of my living room and came face-to-face with a pair of legs….I looked up and it was John.  He had climbed through my living room window and was staring down at me.

I was so scared, instincts kicked in and my only thought was to get him outside, I convinced him to go for a cigarette and as we smoked I reassured him we were OK and that I was just really tired.

It worked, he left and I shut the door, went around bolting the windows and called the police.  They showed up at his place but he refused to come out.  It took about two weeks before they were able to trick him to walk outside.  They arrested him and he spent a night in jail.

I never heard from John again.

I beat myself up about this, I felt so stupid for trusting this guy to have changed.  Years later I still remember the feeling of waking up to someone over me, I’ve never felt so vulnerable.  

NOTE: I am currently a finalist (Gail’s Forum) for the Canadian Blog Award in the Best Personal Blog Category, I would appreciate your vote here is the link: