This morning on my favourite radio station #Kiss92.5FM they were discussing this movie from a man’s perspective and it was interesting to hear the judgement they held and the lack of belief that a prostitute could turn over another leaf.
Everyday people change; they give up #addictions, go from gangster to preacher, from zero to hero. Why is it so hard to believe that a woman who has chosen a life of debauchery could change? What you don’t see in the movie is what brought her to prostitution in the first place.
I would never say I consider myself a prostitute but since my divorce I haven’t exactly been a saint either. Certain things we encounter in life are so devastating that they break us at the very core of our soul, in my case the betrayal and lies led me to numbness, emotional unavailability, cougarism, hurting others before I get hurt and developing a new persona.
I was a ticking time bomb ready to explode any time things didn’t go my way, leaving before I would be left and pushing people away when they got too close. I shut down my values, my heart and jumped in with the attitude “the player is gonna get played.” In fact with tears in my eyes this is what I told a friend of my husband’s in anger.
It would be hard to sit here and blame the men that crossed my path in those 7 or 8 years as they were unaware of my conniving nature and intention to be with them for their lack of insight into the human psyche. I was settling for what I could handle emotionally and spiritually.
For many years I lived on friends-with-benefits, booty calls, short-lived romances and one night stands, these were my fix to the addiction of sabotaging and hurting myself. It was all that I could handle since I feared putting my heart through the pain again and putting my pocketbook through that horrendous loss of income.
Some of the younger men I dated made perfect play things since they relied on their sexual prowess way more than having an interest in furthering their knowledge. Consumed by conquest and the expensive sneakers on their feet and not the bigger picture of where that would lead them.
Oh! a few times I acted like a counselor I couldn’t help myself, trying to guide them the right way but they were too set in their ways already destined to live a life of deceit.
Obituary: I wish to inform you of the passing of Gail’s promiscuity. It happened overnight it seemed but was actually a work in progress for over a year. Her cougar outfits will be exhibited at the local Goodwill along with her whip. Anyone wishing to send condolences can do so below in the comment section.
Birth Announcement: I would like to introduce you to Gail, she is gorgeous with blond hair and green eyes, she loves herself and loves talking about herself. She is eccentric, honest and sensual. She values family, friends, love, humanitarianism, laughter and honesty,
I’m no longer looking for a quick fix, my addiction to numb myself is over and as I move forward to re-branding myself in the current context I am looking for meaningful connections that bring great memories to my life and not just notches on my belt.
We always accuse men of playing games, cheating and having many sexual encounters but what if they knew they were not necessarily the players but in fact the playees. Many women today choose this lifestyle and I am certainly not going to judge it since I lived it. I am just choosing to move on.
When I do meet someone, I think I will give him all the posts from my blog to read. I am not ashamed of who I was or who I am.
I am still seeking prince charming and if he has a problem with my sordid past or feels that I am damaged goods then good luck finding a pristine no baggage, no past type of gal and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Thanks for the memories boys :))
- Low self-esteem connects to prostitution (larahentz.wordpress.com)