A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….relationships were led by the church, the family, the community. We didn’t have the flexibility to meet someone in another country and communication came down to face-to-face not through an electronic device. Most men and women shared the same interests based on proximity and upbringing.
Today unions are a complicated thing and based on individuality, choices, availability, needs and desires. We have a bigger pool to choose from but that does not mean that love is any easier to find.
I am a single woman, I once thought it was because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough or even pure enough. Now I realize it has nothing to do with any of that.
The reason I am single is purely based on the horrible experiences I’ve had with men and frankly I am more confident about what I want. I’ve become selective about how I spend my time and with whom, not a bad thing if I do say so myself.
It’s amazing how uncomfortable people feel with single life. If I talk to a guy or act enthusiastic I must be interested in him and if I don’t want to talk to him I must be too picky and/or jaded or something must be wrong with me.
For many years I thought I didn’t have the option to be single, whenever I was single I felt like a freak…there must be something wrong with me…why can’t I find a man?
I spent many years settling for well let’s just call them part-time diversions. Let’s see there was the hairy back guy, the guy who hated kissing, the one who hated public displays of affection and the one who didn’t want to go out dancing…well you get the picture.
I love to kiss, I love public displays of affection and I love dancing so why am I in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want or like these things. The answer is that I felt I had to settle for fear of being alone, I’m not proud of it but it is the truth.
Each time I went through this head game with myself – what’s wrong with me why can’t I make these relationships work? The reality was that there was nothing wrong with me I just kept picking rotten tomatoes out of the garden and expecting my main dish to turn out great.
I criticized myself to no end; I constantly thought the problem was me until I ended things in my last relationship over a year and a half ago due to lack of romance.
Within a month my ex was in a new relationship and at first I was upset thinking Wow! I can be replaced so easily. Why is he able to find someone so easily and I can’t?
What I know now is it was He not Me, He just wanted “someone” in his life. Sounds great on the surface but there is a difference between a couch and a sofa…I like this analogy :))
A couch fits your every need; you eat on it, watch TV on it and play fight on it. You don’t really care about its value and when it’s worn out you throw it to the curb and go to your nearest bargain store to grab a new one; it’s replaceable and easily forgotten. A sofa on the other hand is the centerpiece of your living room, la piece de resistance if you will. You care for it, keep it in pristine condition and decorate it with fancy pillows. All your favourite family moments are spent on it and in a lifetime you don’t necessarily replace it.
I, my friends am a Sofa. I always thought I was a couch but I’m not. I don’t settle today for someone to just sit down and forget my worth, therefore unlike my ex I am still single, not because I have to be but are you ready for this….because I choose to be.
I want the fancy pillows and I want to be the centerpiece of someone’s life.
Meanwhile in a galaxy closer to home I am doing fabulously well. I am slowly regaining a desire to do something other than wait around for love. Spending time with friends and family is exceptionally rewarding especially now that I am not consumed with being in a relationship.
This is not about being difficult or unavailable; I simply choose to take a pass on love unless it is exactly what I want. I finally realize I deserve better :))
So next time you worry about being single, just remember this…a relationship built on friendship, like-mindedness and love is worth waiting for. In the meantime have fun, do what you want to do and be happy.
All my single ladies now put your hands up and celebrate this opportunity to be with someone extremely special…YOURSELF – don’t forget to sing, dance and lounge in your pyjamas every chance you get.