All My Single Ladies


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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….relationships were led by the church, the family, the community.  We didn’t have the flexibility to meet someone in another country and communication came down to face-to-face not through an electronic device.  Most men and women shared the same interests based on proximity and upbringing.

Today unions are a complicated thing and based on individuality, choices, availability, needs and desires.  We have a bigger pool to choose from but that does not mean that love is any easier to find.

I am a single woman, I once thought it was because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough or even pure enough.  Now I realize it has nothing to do with any of that.

The reason I am single is purely based on the horrible experiences I’ve had with men and frankly I am more confident about what I want.  I’ve become selective about how I spend my time and with whom, not a bad thing if I do say so myself.

It’s amazing how uncomfortable people feel with single life.  If I talk to a guy or act enthusiastic I must be interested in him and if I don’t want to talk to him I must be too picky and/or jaded or something must be wrong with me.

For many years I thought I didn’t have the option to be single, whenever I was single I felt like a freak…there must be something wrong with me…why can’t I find a man?

I spent many years settling for well let’s just call them part-time diversions.  Let’s see there was the hairy back guy, the guy who hated kissing, the one who hated public displays of affection and the one who didn’t want to go out dancing…well you get the picture.

I love to kiss, I love public displays of affection and I love dancing so why am I in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want or like these things.  The answer is that I felt I had to settle for fear of being alone, I’m not proud of it but it is the truth.

Each time I went through this head game with myself – what’s wrong with me why can’t I make these relationships work?  The reality was that there was nothing wrong with me I just kept picking rotten tomatoes out of the garden and expecting my main dish to turn out great.

I criticized myself to no end; I constantly thought the problem was me until I ended things in my last relationship over a year and a half ago due to lack of romance.

Within a month my ex was in a new relationship and at first I was upset thinking Wow! I can be replaced so easily. Why is he able to find someone so easily and I can’t?

What I know now is it was He not Me, He just wanted “someone” in his life.  Sounds great on the surface but there is a difference between a couch and a sofa…I like this analogy :))

A couch fits your every need; you eat on it, watch TV on it and play fight on it.  You don’t really care about its value and when it’s worn out you throw it to the curb and go to your nearest bargain store to grab a new one; it’s replaceable and easily forgotten.  A sofa on the other hand is the centerpiece of your living room, la piece de resistance if you will.  You care for it, keep it in pristine condition and decorate it with fancy pillows.  All your favourite family moments are spent on it and in a lifetime you don’t necessarily replace it.

I, my friends am a Sofa.  I always thought I was a couch but I’m not.  I don’t settle today for someone to just sit down and forget my worth, therefore unlike my ex I am still single, not because I have to be but are you ready for this….because I choose to be.

I want the fancy pillows and I want to be the centerpiece of someone’s life.

Meanwhile in a galaxy closer to home I am doing fabulously well.  I am slowly regaining a desire to do something other than wait around for love.  Spending time with friends and family is exceptionally rewarding especially now that I am not consumed with being in a relationship.

This is not about being difficult or unavailable; I simply choose to take a pass on love unless it is exactly what I want.  I finally realize I deserve better :))

So next time you worry about being single, just remember this…a relationship built on friendship, like-mindedness and love is worth waiting for.  In the meantime have fun, do what you want to do and be happy.

All my single ladies now put your hands up and celebrate this opportunity to be with someone extremely special…YOURSELF – don’t forget to sing, dance and lounge in your pyjamas every chance you get.

12 comments

  1. At a moment, I felt you are talking my mind out! This is the issue with girls, we don’t tend to wait for the one we deserve! I just realised that few months back! And I’m extremely happy now!

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  2. Wow, I was way off on where you were going. With the analogy. I was thinking he couch is something you are the most comfortable with, snug into, be yourself and not worry about anything with, where a sofa you put on a show, sit properly, use manners, never be yourself. I love the analogy, we are thinking the same thing!

    And good for you not settling! Never heard of a guy who didn’t like kissing, not worth it, we guys all (I thought) love it! Great post!

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    • My all time favourite story is of The Little Prince who found a beautiful rose and saw it as unique. “You are the flower, rarely found and beautiful beyond measure, you are also vain and selfish. You often allow your pride to get in the way of your true feelings. Despite this, you are truly loved and treasured”

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  3. I was single from high school until three years ago. (I’m in my mid-30s) It was so much fun. I had a serious of non-serious hookups and FWB. This suited me perfectly. I didn’t want a relationship. Then I met someone who made me want to hang out and do coupley things.

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    • Glad for you my dear, sometimes as women we don’t realize who is calling the shots but the fact is more than ever we have the freedom to choose the type of relationship that suits us 🙂

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  4. I am sure you are in the right track, just enjoy what you are doing. Another very neatly written, well communicated topic.
    “I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.”
    —The perks of being wallflower

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  5. You are absolutely a centerpiece! A Priceless, Unique, IRREPLACEABLE not to mention Lovely, woman, Gail. I am so glad we found one another. You absolutely, without fail, make my heart smile.
    Not too long ago, I had a thought… I thought to myself, sigh, I am alone… and I thought about it for a few moments… ya know what? I am HAPPY. Really. Why did I feel like I was alone? Because I am single? Because I have chosen to wait? For the real deal? I shook my head and told myself to get a grip. Like you, been there, done that, got rid of the nasty tank tops and grew up. LOL! Almost anyhow…(actually I got rid of the tees and tanks when my son started reading them- OUT LOUD! Sheesh!)

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    • Thanks Amber-Lee love your comment and I threw away my short skirts and low cut tops lol.

      I am so happy that we are connected as well you are an amazing woman and I hope someday we can have a beer together and laugh together.

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