I’m Listening you don’t have to Scream!!!


I really missed writing a post every week in fact I think I might have to increase how many times a week I write.  I feel like a teenage girl at a One Direction Concert.  My brain full with little girls jumping up and down screaming OMG! OMG! it’s Harry.  I have so much to tell you.

Justin Bieber's fan climbs a fence outside Vertice Studios during el Hormiguero Tv programe on June 4, 2012 in Madrid-864420

First I want to give you a bit of an update about where I am these days or I should say where my head’s at.  While I was busy organizing The Urban Spice Music Movement in Toronto, I watched a show one night (I can’t even remember what show it was) and something struck me.

Two guys were arguing about change and one said to the other  “the devil is everywhere”. The other guy responded “No my friend, the devil is inside of you” as he pressed his finger to his friend’s heart.

Huh! for some reason this struck a chord in the prefrontal cortex of my brain and the next thing I know I am booking an appointment with my family doctor and discussing – Quitting Smoking!!!!

We had an hour consultation about which product/medication would work best for me.  I was concerned about anxiety, insomnia and on August 1st I started taking Champix, we both felt this was the best choice for me.

Champix is working so far, the great thing with this medication is that you continue smoking for the first while but what starts to happen is that you don’t really want to smoke. I went from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for thirty years and now I am down to less than half a pack a day.  I am confident that being smoke free is in the cards for me very shortly.  I will keep you updated, this is one success I will be really proud of.

I’ve started exercising and eating well again as well, I’ve started changing my routine and somehow I feel like a great journey just started…hearing that sentence in the Movie about the devil is INSIDE ME triggered something – It made me realize the damage I am doing to myself.  The truth is the message came when I was ready to hear it.  I spent most of this past year unconsciously getting ready and in the process I tried to bargain and deny what I needed to do.  At one point I said to myself “what’s the point I probably already have lung cancer”.  Letting a stick of paper control my life had me looking at this thing in my hand and saying “you are not going to control me”.  If I don’t let a man dictate my life than how the hell can I justify letting this thing control me LOL.

Do I sound angry?  I am angry and that is a good thing.  I need to find that piece of myself stuck in the prefrontal cortex that is going to come out roaring like a tiger and scare that cigarette right out of my life.

The other message I heard recently and again, I guess sometimes they come unexpectedly when you need to hear them.  I was speaking with a friend of mine named Tony.  We were chatting about love and I was trashing men, yes I was.  I told Tony, “These guys I am meeting are losers, they keep telling me what they don’t want before they even get to know me”.  Tony said “Gail are you under the impression that you get to choose who you should be in love with?”  “They choose you” he said.  Huh! I always thought the opposite was true.  I am the one who needs to find someone not vice-versa. This statement made me realize that I am wasting much of my energy trying to figure out what I want when in fact the truth is when love comes it will be because they have something to teach me about myself.

Motivation and attention are controlled by the prefrontal cortex, which is to the rest of the brain what a conductor is to the orchestra.   I am the one with the stick now and I will decide when my upbeat music stops and as for Prince Charming maybe he’s a non-smoker :))

One comment

  1. Congratulations Gail, I know smoking is hard to quit… I just quit cold turkey about 10 weeks ago… I also started eating healthy and exercising and I have lost 28 pounds in 8 weeks… I guess I was ready too…

    Good luck with all the changes you have made, I love all the ones I have made 🙂


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