Authenticity dictates that you have to be true to yourself.
Truth is that you have to fall to the bottom to finally realize its time to get up, dust yourself off and move forward.
Last week I took a break from my 9-5 job. After the Easter Holiday, I started to clean my house and it was time to cleanse my soul as well.
I received some news about my health in the previous week, as always nothing was wrong yet the aches and pains in my lower abdomen and back begged to differ with that prognosis.
My doctor asked me a slew of questions and I was not ready when he asked me if I had given up on myself. After a lengthy discussion I was left with the realization that my aches and pains were stemming from depression, I wasn’t wanting to kill myself but I wasn’t exactly working to prevent it either.
I didn’t say anything to anyone. I spent Easter weekend with friends and family, by Monday I decided to talk to the one person that mattered the most…my daughter.
We cried together, she corrected me every time I found myself saying “if I live”. She reminded me how much she loves me and that I am a strong woman.
Even strong women can break down and surprisingly that breakdown was exactly what I needed.
She encouraged me to get up and face a new day and I heard myself say something I haven’t said in a very long time “Why doesn’t anyone love me” – you see I figure the reason I haven’t found love is that I am unlovable. I have convinced myself that what I want the most in life will never happen.
I titled this post I love someone battling depression, at least all my hard work on myself has helped me to get to the point where I love myself, it just isn’t enough.
I unravelled before her eyes, no longer her mother but a woman desperately seeking reassurance that she was worthy of love.
After an extended heart-to-heart we ventured for a walk to the mall, spent all day together and I must admit it felt good to connect with her in that way.
Lately I’ve had a lot on my plate, really not more than what I’ve had to deal with in the past, but the many traumas and dramas over the years have caused my resistance to be a bit rickety.
I can’t say that I am back to my perky, bubbly self but I feel a bit better than I did. My focus is to take care of myself – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Life will happen, I just need to refocus and curb the current PMS – poor me syndrome- and one day at a time, work to regain my spirit.
I don’t believe in taking medication to deal with depression, I firmly think that a much-needed lifestyle change and working day-by-day on improving my health will work wonders to address this current funk.
“Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.”
― Bob Dylan
The most compelling issue I buried deep inside was my need to find true love. I’ve denied this about myself and it needs to resurface. Although I no longer feel the loneliness, I do more than anything, want to meet someone, fall in love and live happily ever after. I can let go of many things but I can’t and won’t let go of my fairytale. It is as much a part of me as anything else that defines Gail.
So truth be told, I am looking. I can’t sit idly by and wait for love, since Prince Charming hasn’t found me, its my turn to search and while I do I will work on one thing, being true to myself.
As my daughter eloquently stated: “It doesn’t matter what others say or think about you. Be you!”
Depression: Recognizing the Physical Symptoms
Most of us know about the emotional symptoms of depression. But you may not know that depression can be associated with many physical symptoms, too.
In fact, many people with depression suffer from chronic pain or other physical symptoms. These include:
- Headaches. These are fairly common in people with depression. If you already had migraine headaches, they may seem worse if you’re depressed.
- Back pain. If you already suffer with back pain, it may be worse if you become depressed.
- Muscle aches and joint pain.Depression can make any kind of chronic pain worse.
- Chest pain. Obviously, it’s very important to get chest pain checked out by an expert right away. It can be a sign of serious heart, stomach, lung or other problems. But depression can contribute to the discomfort associated with chest pain.
- Digestive problems. You might feel queasy or nauseated. You might have diarrhea or become chronically constipated.
- Exhaustion & fatigue. No matter how much you sleep, you may still feel tired or worn out. Getting out of the bed in the morning may seem very hard, even impossible.
- Sleeping problems. Many people with depression can’t sleep well any more. They wake up too early or can’t fall asleep when they go to bed. Others sleep much more than normal.
- Change in appetite or weight. Some people with depression lose their appetite and lose weight. Others find they crave certain foods — like carbohydrates — and weigh more.