The Box and Me or I


There is a special bond between a box and me or I – not sure but you get the gist.

It’s a recurring theme in my life, being stuck in a box both literally (in a nightmare I had when graduating high school, I was in a box and my mother was sitting on it.  she woke up to find me banging on the wall in my bedroom shouting “let me out, let me out”).

Then there is the figurative box that holds me hostage, I’m the crayon staying dutifully within the confines of the lines on my page of life.

Do you know the box I’m talking about?  It prevents us from doing things we want to do, for fear of being an outcast sent into social isolation, worried about breaking laws or tarnishing our reputation.  The box that keeps us in check.  Although the lines from my box have diminished over the years they still stop me from going all out “Gail”.

I really envy the younger generation for being out there!  I admire them for being unique, unabashed by society’s outrage and frankly setting the bar so that some of us might still find the bravery to just cross that damn line.  There was a time when someone with a tattoo or piercing was a demon worshipper yet nowadays grandma has one and so does her grandson LOL.

The imaginary box is one that I have imposed on myself. This box is based on my assumptions and desire to blend in.  So how does one step out of it with courage and conviction?

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After writing the few previous paragraphs I headed out with friends, the point of our little soirée was a Tarot Card Reading with a wonderful co-worker named Brenda.  I know co-workers who read this will know exactly who she is.

As I shuffled the cards in my left hand, she asked me to think of things I wanted.  “I want to know the outcome of my career and when is true love coming?  The typical questions I always ask.

I was shocked when the reading had nothing to do with my deepest desires or thoughts but rather the reading tied in perfectly with the imaginary box I wrote about.

I did a past life reading years ago and I was told in another life I was a vicious tyrant, cruel to people, devious and alone.  I sometimes feel that in this life I have worked hard extremely hard to get rid of this image of myself without realizing why I was doing it.

Brenda reassured me that my penances for past crimes in this life or past are done.

I don’t need to strategize, connive or plot (control) life or hide who I am today.  As she spoke, I felt a calm and so present in the moment.

She went on to say that my connection needs to be with living things and the answers will come – the card showed a woman hugging a tree, nature is calling my name.

I can step out of the box and not worry about who I was in past lives, those who judged my past behaviour (symbolized by elders in the card) are content with me.  In essence this reading came at a time where the permission I needed was given.

“I stepped out of the box, the lines vanished and a light appeared.  When I turned around to look back the box was gone”.

queen-floweringI notice a change within myself, the hurt from the past is becoming less and less visible.  The anxiety is slowly calming and I am flowering.

 

 

 

3 comments

  1. Just realizing there is a box is the first step in bustin out :). Every now and then, whe the urge comes over you to do something but you think it would be silly or embarrassing, bite he bullet and say ” tony would want me to!” And give it a shot.

    The more you do, the weaker the box! Proud of you Gail!

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