On the Gail Ship…

It is easy to hide behind little white lies that we tell ourselves to come to grips with reality but once they start to become your real truth they need to be put to rest or abolished or sunk into the abyss.

I need to come clean about something – I am hiding behind my weight and I have for many years.  I’m hiding behind it mostly because the expectations on me are too great and frankly the last time around I couldn’t deal with it.

Losing weight put me out of my comfort zone and I am scared of losing weight again so instead I hide behind what is comfortable and familiar.  All the while I know I can do it (lose weight) as I’ve done it before and I know I’m disciplined when I choose to be.

I felt so confident (2009) and healthy
May 2009

Here are some of the reasons I’ve gained back my weight:

I’m afraid of the demands on my time, the expectations and facing the disappointments of others.  Being watched as I eat, my body under constant scrutiny.

I was constantly preoccupied with not gaining back the weight, obsessed with finding a way to keep my new body.  Being overweight, I don’t have to worry about any of that.  When I eat no one expects me to have salad.  When I just want to lounge on the couch all weekend no one questions it.

Here is the truth though:  I’m miserable, I loved who I was when I lost the weight.  I had assumed everyone would be happy for me but that wasn’t the case.

At home I’m aware of the sabotage.  I feel claustrophobic in my body.  It doesn’t fit who I am at all.   I’ve tried and tried to get help but instead I just keep gaining more weight.  Like an inmate doing time who gets involved with a crime instead of facing leaving the comfort he has come to know.

What prompted me to look at all this today was chat with a friend last night about why I ate an apple fritter yesterday after making the decision to cut down on carbs and sugars…I don’t even like apple fritters. Talk about Sabotage!!! I mean from one extreme to another.  It’s like an alcoholic talking about quitting alcohol while he is having a beer.

So I did a bit of research and found my barrier

Dieting With The Enemy (Prevention Magazine)

Are friends and family making you fat?

“Rarely would a real friend malevolently undermine your diet,” says nutrition professor Audrey Cross, PhD, of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. “They just do unconscious things to keep the relationship the way it was.” And there are lots of reasons why. (By Colleen Pierre, RD)  They feel guilty. Your success pricks their conscience, since they may think they should be pursuing weight loss too. But for many, teasing you back to normal with “you’re doing so well; a little won’t hurt” sabotage is often easier. And if it starts an eating frenzy that ends in weight gain, sadly, that’s secretly okay with friends like these. You’ve proven once again that weight loss is impossible; now they can relax and not try.  They don’t understand. Other folks (often spouses!) who’ve never had a weight problem can’t understand why you don’t go back to eating normally now that you’ve lost that weight. And besides, they’ve suffered enough with all the changes around the house, and they want this to be over.   They miss the old you. Or more specifically, the food experiences you once shared. Food is often how we express love. Baking cookies for your kids (and of course eating some together). Or going to happy hour with co-workers. When my client Stephanie began progressing, her husband started showing up Friday nights with a big chocolate bar, something they used to enjoy together. How do you politely say “back off” to those you love?

So now I have admitted to my reasons for avoiding weight loss (fear of expectations, failure and status quo).

I am going to adopt the Warrior Mindset and start to focus on the fears I have and challenge myself to overcome them.

The fact is I have enabled everyone to have absolutely no expectation of me – this could actually be a good thing since I now have a reason to set my own.

How Can I Stop My Weight Loss Self-Sabotage?

A Guide To Identifying The Patterns That Trip You Up

By Joshua Wayne

The Warrior Mindset:

The solution?  Be a Warrior.  What I mean is that you need to claim what you want in life.  It’s okay to be afraid of change.  It’s normal and it’s human.  But that’s where the Warrior metaphor comes in.  A Warrior fights for what he or she wants and deserves.

You have to decide what you are going to allow to define your life: your fears or your dreams.  You deserve the health and the happiness you want but you have to claim it.  It’s okay not to take on other people’s issues.  Let them work through their own stuff while you focus on yours.

Your job is to claim your power by being at your best, pursuing your happiness and being as healthy as you can be.

There are two ships you can be on at this time – The Gail’s gonna do it and I’m not going to get in her way ship or I’m going to continue to help Gail sabotage herself from getting what she really wants ship.

Speaking of Ship, here is an interesting way to get motivated:

Unleash Your Inner Conquistador and Burn the Ships


In 1519, a Spanish conquistador named Hernan Cortez made a bold-as-hell, history-changing decision we can all learn from.

He sailed from Spain to South America with a fleet of 11 ships, and upon arriving to the new land, realized that his troops would have to fight to claim the land.

His men were tired, malnourished and out of shape from the long journey across the Atlantic. Many of them didn’t want to fight.

Cortez knew they had to do this. He ordered everyone to go on the beach, and once he was the only one left on the ships, he proceeded to burn them all – the ships (!).

Now his men had no option to retreat. So they gathered up all their strength and courage, fought, and claimed the land that is now known as Mexico.

Pretty damn bold, right?

Now, how does this apply to you?

If you have a big project to complete, and you’re struggling to discipline yourself, burn your ships.

Engineer a situation that will prevent you from retreating and that will force you to get into action mode.


I need to do this, no I won’t be invading and taking over land but maybe I need to make it harder for myself to sit on the couch at night and watch TV as an example. I need to burn my ships.

Anyone want to buy a reclining couch?





  1. You got this lady. But I agree it is so easy to do. I’ve gained since my big ride, I eat late, sip wine, and it shows… Plus I just like to eat. For the record though. You are gorgeous regardless. But I want you to feel better about you 🙂


  2. You are a warrior, Gail. You’ve overcome so much in your life, it seems. Best of luck with your current challenge!!


  3. I know you can do it Gail, it is a daunting thing to have a great figure and try to maintain it… with everyone looking on… I am back on track now, I am in that food zone I was before, I love that feeling… now I just need to get back exercising the way I used to 🙂

    Keep up the hard work, oh… I had to cut TV off too… it sucked up too much of my time 😉


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