Is it too late to say #Sorry

Once again, I’m using one of #JustinBieber’s new songs as the title to my blog post.  Sorry is a plea “for a chance to apologize to an unidentified lover”.

The lover in my case is very well identified – it is the non-food lover in ME- I’m sure if you read this you will not be surprised at my selection.

Reminds me of the song – You’re So Vain 

After separating and ultimately  divorcing from THE Husband (who by the way dropped by for an impromptu -how do you do-this past weekend).  He looks much older now and I think going bald as well teehee,  I am not making fun of men who are balding, just him.

I desperately wanted to lose weight – show him what he had, I embarked on a 2 year journey to a slimmer version of myself.  (Pictured below)

I lived on a diet of mostly veggies, fruits, fish and meat.  I had the occasional cheat day and in the end I was left with a trimmer version of myself  with unexplained health issues.

You see, everything comes with a price $$$.

Even weight loss is not simply something you attain without some long-term damage if it is not done properly with a certified nutritionist or your family doctor.

I gave up carbs completely and at some point during my dieting it cost me.

I hope it is not too late to say I’m Sorry…

Tomorrow I am seeing a Gastroenterologist in hopes of figuring out some health issues.  One of the many specialists I have seen in the last 5 years.

No matter what I eat, nothing seems to agree with me.  The reason I tie this in with the weight loss is that these issues started during my dieting phase and ultimately got worse after I had surgery.

After a huge weight loss, in my case over 70lbs, a person is left with some dangling skin that no matter how much you exercise, does not go away.  The surgery I had is called a Panniculectomy which was successful but the aftermath was having a difficult time finding a regiment of foods that agreed with me.  To this day I still have not found a successful combination of foods that agree with me.

I gained back the weight out of sheer frustration I think.  The diet that I followed for almost 2 years all of sudden disagreed with me completely. Sometimes for the better and sometimes it brings to light issues that were hidden under the surface…no pun intended.

I lashed out angrily with bouts of ice cream, chips and pure overindulgence like an angry child.  Giving up over and over again faced with the disappointing gains on the scale.


Ultrasounds, CT Scans, Colonoscopies, Elimination Diets – none of these revealed a thing.

I hope it is not too late to say I’m Sorry…

Vanity might be the problem but the solution absolutely evades me.  I am extremely hopeful that I will get answers tomorrow but in my opinion you reap what you sow.  Your body gets used to eating bad foods and when you take them away it reacts.

An apology is the simplest of acts: the speaking of words of genuine regret to another for having harmed, denigrated, or insulted them in some way. And yet it has almost magical power to repair fraying relationships.

I am hoping that telling my body I am truly sorry, can help the healing.

An open letter to my body:

Dear body, we do not know each other well in fact I look away most of the time when I see glimpses of you, I am certainly only happy with you when you are perfect.

I have not treated you well.  I blame you for so many things.  You are my excuse for failures, my fall guy for the lack of a relationship in my life and most of all the reason for all the health issues.

I have abused you in so many ways over the years and always with the expectation you would not give up on me.  I am sorry I let you down and neglected you.

My only mission in life was to keep you healthy and I failed, I truly hope you can give me another chance to show you I am sorry and I want to do better before it is too late.


your occupant…Gail






One comment

  1. I think things will work themselves out Gail… once we learn how to treat our body with love… I’m sure it will forgive us. I hope you are able to find out your food problems and how it makes you feel… xox

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