I simply thought I was so wise and that I knew what I wanted in life. No that’s a lie, I was told what I wanted in life by my parents. My Mother was very adamant that I needed a man in my life to be whole person.
We were wrong.
How many times have I said out loud or in the dark of night as I knelt by my bed or with hands pressed tightly together that I wished, I prayed, I hoped for love to find me.
But alas all my prayers were left unanswered or so I thought.
If you don’t believe in God you can stop reading right here. I won’t hold it against you.
Those of you who do believe, I want to take you on a bit of a journey through my eyes and heart.
It all started in 2011, when I started writing this blog and the whole premise was to find #PrinceCharming, #truelove.
Like most single women I dreamt of finding the right guy who would sweep me off my feet and help me forget all the bad relationships from the past and most importantly a guy who would fit into my life perfectly.
I yearned for someone who would hang on my every word and laugh at my crazy daisy sense of humour. Someone who was active and would encourage me to be more outdoorsy, someone who got along with my family and friends and #mustlovedogs.
Oh how I wished, prayed and hoped with all my heart to find this guy that could love me for me.
I longed to find this true understanding illustrated in the story of the #littleprince when the prince finally sees the picture drawn by the pilot for what it is – an elephant eating a boa constrictor and not simply a hat.
But sigh! it seemed that this would not be the case for me, instead I met men who had very little interest in getting to know who I was. Instead they were quick to interject what they assumed about me – I’m crazy, self-centered, too opinionated, competitive, stubborn and unruly teehee.
I finally had to accept the fact that I might as well embrace single life by putting this desire to meet #PrinceCharming to rest.
A funny thing happened as I wrote a post each week. I started to realize how boring I was, no wonder I was looking for a man, something to focus on really.
I spoke about how someone said I was self-absorbed last week, well I just didn’t have anything else to talk about. That’s why I started talking about myself.
I had no interests whatsoever, life consisted of work and home with the occasional outing to the local bar and a side of poor me, I’m single thrown into the conversation with anyone who would listen.
Then lo and behold something happened. I finally found what I was looking for, it was as clear as day.
What I found was a relationship with the most intolerable person imaginable. This person survived an emotionally abusive childhood, addictions to gambling, cigarettes and food and despite all odds kept hoping to find someone to understand them.
God really does work in mysterious ways, I found a relationship with myself that I never thought I could have. I don’t feel lonely or bitter, in fact I feel absolutely at peace.
I’ve managed to eradicate the loneliness and enjoy the moments. I’m not saying if love came my way I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I’m also perfectly happy waiting for it. I am also genuinely happy for those who have it.
I think it goes without saying that fate is not in our hands – I trust God knows what I need and so far I feel he is leading me to a balanced loving life. It might not be the way I would have done this but then again what do I know…