I had the absolutely best dream last night :)))) my ex-husband was starring in a TV show and he got booted off and replaced without notice.
It’s been about a week and I’ve been jonesing for a youngin, no I’m kidding. I might have sworn off younger men but I’m not actually addicted to them…not anymore :))
If you read my last post I talked about dating men my age, older or not at all and foregoing younger guys for a while or indefinitely as they simply just give me too much problems.
One of the things, I’m trying to work on right now is to act my age, which by the way is no fun at all. I mean we are on this earth for such a short time, I just don’t see the benefit of acting mature but I also can’t keep acting like a teenager all the time.
I think I’m just having an extended version of a mid-life crisis.
I got divorced in 2006 and I swore the player was going to get played, this was after months of tears, overwhelming debt, being stalked by my ex-husband and his younger girlfriend for over a year and losing all the confidence I ever had in myself up to that point.
I guess rebelling and adopting this mantra “the player is going to get played” was my way of dealing with a cheating, lying, good for nothing man.
I’m uber competitive and I somehow went out wanting to prove I could do what my ex-husband did, play the field and be better at it. I think overall I succeeded but boy did it take a toil on me. Did you know as you get older your body get’s tired?
I thought this would help me deal with the hurt, the embarrassment, the pain, the anger and the absolute feeling that I was a worthless piece of crap. Let’s not forget his last words to me as I left the relationship were: who is going to believe you left me? Well guess what MF – I did leave you!!!
I opted to pick myself up, dust myself off and I chose to date younger men who complimented me and made me feel young and beautiful. As my self-esteem went up I was able to take better care of myself. It worked for a while and then depression set in, which is what last year was about. That lifestyle took a toll on me physically and emotionally.
It didn’t help that I realized this wasn’t what I wanted, what I wanted was just to find someone that thought enough of me to treat me with respect, I sure chose the wrong path to find that. What I did find though is myself and that I’m enough and I don’t need any man young or old to complete me.
Now as I approach 50 in a few months, it’s time for me to grow up…or is it!!!
So my plan is simple, I’m going to TRY to act mature and see what that looks and feels
like. I found the list below and I’m going to work on it (boy I’ve really got my work cut out!!!)
25 tell-tale signs, perhaps we can be more aware of the interludes in which our whiny, adolescent self rears its immature head…
1. Realizing how much you don’t know.
2. Listening more and talking less.
3. Being aware and considerate of others as opposed to being self-absorbed, self-centered, and inconsiderate.
4. Not taking everything personally, getting easily offended, or feeling the need to defend, prove, or make excuses for yourself.
5. Being grateful and gracious, not complaining.
6. Taking responsibility for your own health and happiness, not relying on others to “fix” you or placing blame for your circumstances.
7. Having forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others.
8. Being calm and peaceful, not desperate, frantic, or irrational.
9. Showing flexibility and openness as opposed to resisting, controlling, or being unreasonable.
10. Helping yourself, not just expecting others to do it for you out of a sense of entitlement.
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you other than knowing you helped, being selfless.
12. Respecting another’s point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment, not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve and reaching out for help.
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different.
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself, not needing someone else to “complete” you.
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.