I’m angry. I didn’t just start being angry today, I was angry before today.
In fact lately I must admit I’m a bit consumed with it. Some folks who had their heads bit off by me lately might be saying “a bit consumed!!!” – right Fallon :))
I could sit here and blame many issues, many people and even many situations on my anger but the reality is this is all on ME.
I spent so much time categorizing myself as a victim that I forgot the blame/game show was cancelled and it’s time for me to move on from this version of myself.
Before the New Year starts I want to purge out some of this schtuff. It isn’t enough for me to clean out the physical house I live in, I have to clear out some clutter in my own head.
I’ve already started with some life changes. I have pretty much stopped going out, I am currently saying “no” to dating younger men. I am focusing on projects at home (hands on one’s like the washroom reno). I am continuing to eat well and exercise and in the New Year I plan to start looking at my financial health…it is in some serious need of a huge makeover.
Yes, life didn’t go the way I planned. I didn’t meet many expectations including my own, I still wish I was thinner, angry that I am not better off and if I’m not a victim will I even have a blog???
The list of people I’ve blamed in the past would scroll past like credits with my family at the top and myself at the bottom. Today I’m changing the title of the person who takes credit for screwing up my life to Gail.
I forgive my family wholeheartedly for everything I perceived to be their fault. I forgive my friends and even strangers who I feel wronged me in some ways.
Now back to anger. .
What is the benefit of staying angry?
1) You feel empowered
2) You have something to focus on
3) It keeps you in that fight or flight mode
4) You have something to talk about.
When you give up the anger, you have to fill your life with new thinking that may feel uncomfortable because it is not so intimately familiar to be a victim.
That hurt I feel and you might also feel won’t stop until you wise up and take responsibility for your life. There is really no way around it.
It is time for me to start building stability, fuel my life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do. So to get rid of anger – I have to forgive…
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too.
When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free from all of that agony and anger.
The word “forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for the relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace.
I’m tired of appearing to be more than a flawed individual, I am flawed and I’m to blame for my flaws.
From this day forward I am choosing to own my successes, failures, flaws, assets…
I guess I am going to have to find some new interests to talk about now :))