A few months have gone by since my Mom died. I could say I’m doing well but I would totally be lying. I can’t say the words “Maman” without tearing up.
I listen to #Hallelujah by #Pentatonix at full blast on loop, it gives me comfort, keeps me close to her and to God. It makes my heart fill with love and hope that my Mom is in heaven surrounded by her mother Delia, her friend Marilyn and her second husband Sandy.
Losing your mother can give you a sudden realization that you don’t need to fear death any more. It also makes you realize you don’t have to take crap any more either.
All of a sudden you know that when it is your time – the same person who lovingly pushed you out of the birth canal is also the one clearing a safe passage for your arrival into the final frontier of your life.
It gives you this new courage to face your fears, fulfill your dreams and push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Since her passing I’ve had several strange dreams – in one dream she is on the outskirts watching me and in another she is bullied by a group. In interpreting these dreams they mean that my mom is watching for me to take the stage and she taking the beating from the bullies on my behalf. She is removing all the obstacles that stand in my way.
#TheGailYoungShow is not just a dream, it is well on its way to becoming a reality and it is all because of my Mom.
Her messages to me before and after death were crystal clear. She never wanted me to get hurt, she knew early on that I was a creative soul but she thought I would be safer on the “normal” side.
She worried that others would bully me physically and emotionally, that I would struggle but now that she is on watch duty she is looking after me and I know it.
I’m not just gaining the confidence, I have the confidence to do this.
Every day something else just fits into this show’s vision, it is like a complex puzzle I have built over the last 30+ years and now I am putting it together seamlessly piece by piece like it was always meant to be.
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I hope you come with me on this journey.
I know when I started writing this blog I was looking for True Love, remember Prince Charming. You patiently read all the posts I wrote about it, spurring me on that quest.
The truth is I found it.
It was me all along, I wasn’t looking for a soulmate I was looking for my soul – I found myself through this blog and since my Mom’s passing I have this new peace inside and I have never been happier minus the grief.
I don’t feel lonely, I don’t miss having a partner, I complete me.
I miss my Mom everyday, she knows it. I love her and I choose to bring her with me on any journey I take from now on. I am really excited about this show :))
My dad once told me when I had lost confidence in myself: “Gail, do you know who you are? you are Gail Young! There is no one else like you in the world” I never forgot this – It is what got me through some pretty rough times when I didn’t feel I mattered.
I can’t change who I am and the truth is I don’t want to. I’ve come to realize that I am exactly who I am meant to be, I need to embrace that and go for the gold.