Losing your mother can give you a sudden realization that you don’t need to fear death any more. It also makes you realize you don’t have to take crap any more either.
The myth is that fat people (people who are overweight, plump, burly, chunky) have no willpower, and people who are thin (people who are skinny, scrawny, lean, twiggy) have lots of willpower.
If that was the case, crack addicts and alcoholics would successfully wean themselves off their addictions at will since a great percentage of them are on the thinner side weight wise and of course thin people as we have been told have great ominous willpower to control food intake so we can only imagine they can also use these great powers to refuse that next drag from the crack pipe.
I hate to tell you but willpower has nothing to do with donuts.
I don’t chose to eat foods that are bad for me because I have no willpower; I chose to eat those foods because I get discouraged at the efforts I need to make to be accepted as a human being and especially as a woman who is overweight.
I have endured bullying, fat shaming and exclusion due to my weight.
I chose to eat because I sometimes feel defeated that I have so much on my plate to deal with and I am alone to face it.
I chose to eat because it is a protection against the expectations I feel I haven’t met for myself because I’ve spent so much time focusing on my weight.
I chose to eat because it is sometimes the only thing in my environment and within my control that won’t land me in jail.
Willpower has never been my problem and it isn’t yours. It is something we are told, it is a way to brainwash us into believing we need help to fix it, we have no control…
I had enough willpower to give up a gambling addiction and to refrain from it, to quit smoking and never look back, to walk away from a marriage and start over, to move to Toronto as a single mom and raise a child alone.
If you could see ahead in your life you would be able to spot the patterns that are keeping you from successfully managing food.
That is really all it is, management.
Those who don’t want you to lose weight by yourself (the ones who make money off your apparent “lack of willpower”; they want you to keep thinking that willpower is what is preventing you from a healthy lifestyle. They would not make the millions they do off your pain if you were able to manage your food habits.
If Aliens landed on earth today, does that mean all fat people would be the first to go? We would be the ones getting probed and made into mindless workers for the aliens?
Personally from what I have seen on TV, Aliens are always depicted as super thin. The fat ones are usually the leaders.
You are the one who controls your brain and you are the one who chooses to eat badly for whatever reason. Willpower is not the reason why donuts call your name, you need to find the reason and deal with it before it is too late.
If you are strong enough to be where you are today, you can do better. Set a goal and work backwards from it but don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have willpower.
And for God Sakes! don’t let yourself believe any more of this fat shaming brainwashing.
Fat Shaming is why we feel we can’t lose weight; we are constantly being told we are not OK. Fat shaming stems from the insinuation that overweight people lack control.
Weight gain and obesity actually stems from a whole host of factors including genetics and environment, a report from Harvard Medical School noted. Roughly 400 genes, childhood habits and many features of modern life (e.g. inflated portion sizes, sedentary jobs, lack of sleep) can increase the likelihood someone is overweight or obese. Not to mention the psychological and social factors.
Doctors often treat overweight patients differently than slender ones and delay preventative care (like pap smears and breast exams) for obese women, Stat, a health news site, reported.
Doctors’ weight prejudices start when a female patient is as little as 13 pounds overweight. “For men, the bias doesn’t kick in until approximately 75 pounds overweight,” says Rebecca Puhl, PhD, director of Research and Weight Initiatives at the Rudd Center. “That’s a definite gender difference.”
I believe in myself and I believe in you. Willpower has nothing to do with donuts.
One month ago today, my Mother died. No one can prepare you for losing a parent. I thought I was immune to death and taxes but even this sad blonde girl who is fully self-absorbed can’t help but miss her Mom.
I miss her with all my heart and as tears well up in my eyes while I write this – even the happy Spanish tune #Bailando I’m listening to isn’t making this more bearable!
Despite my sorrow, this life event might be the only thing that finally makes me reach for my dreams with confidence.
When a Parent Dies It’s always a shock. But grieving grown-up children may be surprised to find that despite the sorrow, the life changes following a loss, are often positive.
I spent years trying to be the person my mother wanted me to be. I constantly changed and never felt totally committed to what I was doing. I had a fear of venturing out into the unknown and I resented her for it. I should have resented myself for using her as an excuse not to follow through with what I really wanted to do. It was much easier to blame it on her than admit I was a coward.
Passion is passion and there is only one thing I have ever been passionate about – WRITING.
I spent years working at a job that pays well, provides great benefits and offers a fantastic pension, for fear following my dreams would result in me falling right on my ass!!
Considering the physical fall I had this year when I broke my wrist…contemplating a sabbatical to do some writing isn’t sounding so scary.
I have an opportunity to be the woman I always wanted to be – a Writer. I still want my Mom to be proud of me and honestly, I feel she will be with me every step of the way.
Don’t worry I am not quitting my job overnight and moving to Paris although that would be totally awesome. I am going to look at purchasing some writing software and investing in a new laptop. I am going to dedicate some time to writing a novel while I sit at the local @Starbucks and sip coffee.
My workplace has what is called a deferred leave which gives an employee the opportunity to take a year off by supplement a future fund for a few years. I am going to apply for a deferred leave right now. In a few years I will go to Paris and write :))
I don’t want to waste another minute saying I think I’m gonna do this or that. I want to do what I have always wanted to do and Mom you inspire me to do that. I love you so much and miss you so much!!!
I promise that I am going to live my life to the fullest without fear and finally get off the couch this year.
I want to talk about relationships, I want to talk about relationships with men in particular and some of the criticisms I have heard over the years about my personality flaws.
It turns out I am been recalled to the factory for some much-needed repairs. Without these repairs, I am in danger of veering off the road of life and potentially never having a fantastic loving relationship.
YES, I actually have some factory flaws and I am finally ready to face them.
- Living in the Past
- Self Absorbed
- Over Talkative
Those are the main complaints, now I tend to want to laugh at this in some ways Bwahahaha but if I am ever going to improve my ability to be in a long-term healthy relationship, I need to listen and find a way to work on them.
Are you in constant competition? After reading the information on this, I am going to have to say that yes I am constantly competing and I know where it stems from. The reality is it stems from the I am the youngest child– I am not good enough – philosophy.
I can officially say this ugly trait is going out of my life along with my 40’s. I am done being a rival.
2. LIVING IN THE PAST
I am definitely guilty of this one, it has been my point of reference for a very long time especially in context to my ex-husband but I am so ready to let this go.
I have done as much soul searching and retrospection that can possibly be done about that particular relationship and I am totally ready to live in the present.
3. SELF ABSORBED
Here are 15 signs of self-absorbed people.
1. They are always on the defensive
2. They don’t see the big picture
3. They are imposing
4. They feel insecure sometimes
5. They always think they are superior to others
6. They consider friendships a tool for getting what they want
7. They are extremely opinionated
8. They do not have long lasting relationships
9. They do not have a real sense of empathy
10. They hide their insecurities behind a cloak of success
11. They devalue others
12. They can be arrogant
13. They hide who they are
14. They are extremely selfish
15. They think they are great and the world out there is wrong
When you recognize the above signs, consider that you may be dealing with a self-absorbed person- or you may be one yourself.
OK so the first step is admitting you have a problem, I admit I am self-absorbed I scored 12 out of 15 on the list above.
It hurts to say it, but if I am ever going to get better I need, to be honest with myself. I am not quite sure when it got to this point but I need to put more energy into healing this part of my personality.
I am not quite sure when it got to this point but I need to put more energy into healing this part of my personality.
What do you mean I am defensive? Bwahaha yes: it is very true. I am what you call a very sensitive person who is deathly afraid of not being perfect even though I know I am not.
This one I must admit stems from years of not thinking I met the expectations of others like family, past lovers, my daughter, bosses, co-workers etc…
When you start to live less defensively, you begin to prepare yourself to seek what is possible. I am ready to seek and embrace all the possibilities.
5. OVER TALKATIVE
Yes, yes I talk a lot, you would be surprised to know I actually listen extremely well too. I once had a friend end our friendship because she felt I talked too much. I do not think I would want a relationship with someone who wanted to control my chatty nature. I would hope that they would embrace it :))
I am finally at a point in life where I am comfortable admitting that I am bad at relationships. I can only improve from here and I think I am correct in assuming that the first step is having a desire to fix it.
In my 20’s I was busy raising my daughter, in my 30’s I was married and divorced, In my 40’s I partied a lot and now as I near the 50’s I am looking forward to the best years of my life with or without a relationship.
It is time for me to put on my big girl pants and to face the reality that I need to change or slightly alter some things about myself. I don’t need a complete overall, just some tweaking.
Some questions I am looking to answer before I turn 50 next month that may or may not be related to relationships are:
1. What do I absolutely love in life?
2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life?
3. What would I stand for if I knew no one would judge me?
4. If my life had absolutely no limits and I could have it all and do whatever I wanted, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?
5. What would I do if I had one billion dollars?
6. Who do I admire most in the world?
If I can’t answer them all now I will need to do things this year that can bring me closer to the answers. You can read more about these questions here: 6 Questions that will change your life forever
I am looking forward to being riskier, challenging my thinking and facing some embarrassment along the way :))
My Mom passing away has brought to the forefront my own mortality and what legacy I want to leave behind. I got the opportunity recently to write about her and submit the story to a National Newspaper publication. If it is published I will be sure to print the article here as well.
I got the opportunity recently to write about her and submit the story to a National Newspaper publication. If it is published I will be sure to print the article here as well.
Writing is at the top of my priorities this year and I need to break out of my shell. I will be seeking opportunities to write.
I still hold out hope to find love and I do not think my next relationship will look anything like the ones from the past. It will be flawless and I will have a – ready for a healthy relationship extended warranty :))
Top of the morning to you! Tally ho and pip pip. Well there you go that is the extent of my British twang. I hope you can tell I’m very chipper today :)) On the way in to work this morning I had a bit of a bounce in my step, a dress I wore years ago fits me again and I’m showing a wee bit of cleavage today LOL.
Can you say SEXY – yes!!! starting to feel like my old self again, too bad younger men are off my list now…damn.
I was listening to some old disco this morning and I really really wanted to break out in a dance – disco, disco duck :))
I’m so excited about Christmas being over, no I’m not being pessimistic, I am actually excited about January starting. I will get to go back to the gym!!!!
I am so ready to kick it into high gear, this gal is gonna have a rockin’ body by the time summer rolls around.
I have not felt this optimistic about my health for a while :))
I am planning to make a few more changes in the new year. (I will tell you all about them closer to New Year.
Another Reno is planned on the upstairs and downstairs hallway for January. It is a lot of work but I am really enjoying my renovated washroom and I know I will feel the same about this too.
I was out sledding with my daughter and grand daughter last night, we had such a blast. I am so glad to have the energy to be able to do this now.
The dietary changes I have made since last January are about much more than weight loss. I am not feeling pain in my body from Fibromyalgia, I am energetic and my digestive issues are almost completely gone.
I went out last Friday night by myself after work for a drink, I made some new friend (Katrina & Andy) and my friend Rondy joined us…It was a blast :))
Things are not perfect, I am not perfect but every day that I get my life in order gets a bit more perfect. Getting things organized is about much more than my house LOL.
Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.